we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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