apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
