Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
