worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
