She is in my trunk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
