This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
