How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
