Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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