I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
