i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
