so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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