She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just high enough for therapy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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