So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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