sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I touched a dick in church today
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
