Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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