she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
