Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
