I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
