Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
