it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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