I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
