If that was your dad, he is hot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
