Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
