Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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