remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
