never play flip cup with pint glasses
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
