butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
