"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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