not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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