ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just tell him i said nine months
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
