Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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