im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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