I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
