fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
