Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
