I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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