So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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