i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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