Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
