Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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