I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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