Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
