I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
