My friends, they love my intelligence
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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