life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
