i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
