I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
