If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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