I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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