Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
