Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
