never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
