Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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