the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
