I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
