I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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