did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
