I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
