now i know why i became what i already was.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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