You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
