Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
