How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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