I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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