Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
