At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
